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A Confession:

Hello everybody,

I am an addict. I wish to admit this freely and openly, for I seek to change.

I smoke nearly a pack a day of cigarettes on average, though I wish I had never picked up a single cigarette… I can also easily drink 8 beers without feeling much of a buzz.

The sad thing is, is that alcohol is not my drug of choice, nicotine is not my drug of choice… I recognize both drugs as being extremely addictive and dangerous, and they produce nothing but diminishing returns.

Every day I suffer. I struggle to remember how my lungs felt when I was six, I recognize the hardness in my liver that I feel in my¬† gut from the years of drinking… I know that my lungs will one day fail miserably if I do not change my habits.

I make excuse after excuse, attempting to justify why I should go to the gas station to buy a pack of cig’s, or to buy a 6-pack of 16 ounces.

What is really sad, is that alcohol and cigarettes do not broaden my spiritual horizons at all. I find that the more I drink the less I am able to speak intellectually, the less I am able to react with any sort of higher level motor skill, the more that I do things which I regret with all of my heart. I refuse to deny that alcohol and cigarettes are debilitating, destructive, addictive, and dangerous drugs.

Thank god that I’ve got some pot right now. Otherwise I’d probably go and buy more of that crap.